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Families somehow find hope amid tragedies

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There is a saying in Tibet that tragedy should be used as a source of strength.

“No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster,” said the Dalai Lama

Hope — I’ve seen its compelling and resilient face in the eyes of several members of my family over the past week as they begin the process of rebuilding lives that were torn apart by the fierce winds of last Friday’s tornadoes in the Ottawa area.

My cousin Todd, his wife, Emily and their twins, as well as my cousin, Jason, his wife, Jolene and their three boys, lost their homes within minutes of each other in Dunrobin and Kinburn. Thankfully, no one was home at the time and no one was hurt or injured. That being said, the sadness and pain and inner turmoil I could see in their eyes, hear in their voices, and read in their exhausted bodies is another matter.

I can’t imagine going through what they are going through right now as they tackle everything from rummaging through the rubble and looking for family mementoes and treasures to dealing with insurance companies and looking for answers to questions they can’t even find the right words to ask. I am so fiercely proud and respectfully in awe of their abilities to still find it within themselves to reach out to help others even as they are struggling with their own challenges in the aftermath of last Friday.

Author J.K. Rowling has often said that rock bottom was the foundation upon which she rebuilt her life. When asked by news reporters what was next, my relatives swallowed back their tears and managed to get out: “We’ll rebuild.”

Todd, a para-athlete, was helping with a cleanup last Saturday afternoon when a volunteer brought a framed photo of his sledge hockey team out of the rubble. There wasn’t a scratch on it; it may be the only piece of his memorabilia that can be saved. The thought that crossed my mind when I read about what had happened was that my family is somewhat like the example of that picture. We have had our fair share of tragedies and challenges, but there has always been something that reminds us just what we’re made of. Our lives have been built on foundations of love and enthusiasm and facing things head on. It doesn’t take much to remind us of the challenges we’ve faced, the hills we’ve climbed, the bonds we share, and our determination to kick adversity’s butt.

Some of my fondest childhood memories are of the summers and time spent on my uncles’ farms in the Ottawa valley. I grew up thinking and feeling like the small towns of Kinburn and Arnprior and the surrounding area were like a second home. There’s something wonderfully welcoming about the people and families of small town and rural Ontario.

I have no doubt that over the weeks and months ahead, our family, Todd and Jason’s friends and neighbours, their communities and the City of Ottawa will come together to help all of those affected by the devastation of the tornadoes. Homes will be built, supplies will be donated and lives slowly will begin to unfold into what will become their new “normal.”

“Normal” but most certainly never the same.

Not even close.

From the two brothers at the centre of this tragedy to those of us who are scattered from the West Coast to the East Coast, our family is coming together to do what we can – physically, financially, morally and emotionally – to offer as much love and support as possible to Todd and Jason and their families.

My branch of the family tree was on the receiving end of the same kind of outpouring of love and support at this time last year when my sister, Stephanie, took her own life at just 44.

In the year since then, we’ve also lost one of my uncles and also my mother.

In her book, The Loose Ends List, author Carrie Firestone wrote: “Take the pain and grow beauty…. You know I’ve always loved volcanoes. I love how they spew searing, deadly lava that goes on to nurture the most beautiful landscapes on earth. It’s from searing pain that the deepest beauty can sprout.”

Even in the middle of all of this pain, uncertainty and loss, I happen to think that my family is one of the most beautiful things I have in my life.

Are we perfect? No.

Are we as close as we were when I was a kid? Not nearly as much.

But when it counts — when it really matters — we reach out with love and compassion and open our arms wide. Like branches on a tree, our lives may have grown in different directions but our roots are in the same place.

To my family up in the Ottawa valley, you are all in my thoughts as I head into this very difficult weekend. We are all marking a loss and, yet, we are also being reminded of just how much (love and support) we have in abundance at the same time.

Our roots give us wings, Todd and Jason. I love you both.

KimberleeAnna (KAT) Taplay is mom to two fabulous young women and nana to one, a “biker chick,” and someone who is remembering and moving forward at the same time this weekend. You can reach her via email at kattales@rogers.com or by regular mail c/o The Expositor. Look for her next column on Friday, Oct. 12.

Brantford Expositor 2018 ©

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